Reaching for the Sunlight
by Silver Kitten
Summary: -"And maybe it's times like these, under such circumstances, when we as humans discover something is too late that we most sincerely wish to change." Please R&R...


**Reaching for the Sunlight**

Composed By **_Silver Kitten_**

I needed to vent some angst...I'm sorry...lol. But I promise the ending isn't so bad....I think it's sort of...sweet...and hopeful.

I hope it's not too choppy. I feel I did well implying the details...instead of getting...too into it. After all, I wanted angst, not suicidal commentary lol. (Note: This is not about suicide...not in the direct sense...ah, you'll see...if you read....pretty please?)

Disclaimer: Hey Arnold! is not mine...I apologize.

Dedication: To anyone who ever lost someone (or knows someone who lost someone). Because it's never easy dealing with the "What might have been's" or the "Too late's"...Please read and review.

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It was difficult to breath. It had been for the past few days now. Each inhale struck him with anguish as it tore through his chest, because he knew he shouldn't be here; he shouldn't be breathing; he shouldn't be alive. His hands were sweating, dampening the delicate paper he held tightly in his hands as he walked to the podium.

Walking down the isle, he heard the grave snifflings of others, filling up the somber silence of the church. It wasn't a room full of people, but a room full of tears, all crying for her.

He was scared at first to even walk up there to give his carefully planned speech. He had been awake all night, making certain each word he wanted to speak conveyed the utmost sincerity. He had a vision to portray, one not many other's had seen. This was his time to show it, and he could not tolerate any failure in doing so. Yet, he was not only scared of what the other's would think, as he slowly headed up the few steps covered in red velvet carpet, but also what would be behind him. Her casket.

He wasn't just doing this for the others, but for her as well. He wanted to make her proud.

He cleared his throat, or attempted to, as the choking sob of newly formed tears broke his composure to a mere, wavering moment of imbalance. He grabbed the podium for temporary support, and to confine his emotions. He straightened himself, terrified to look up at the audience before him, but he knew he had to.

He saw his fellow classmates sitting together near the front, none of them with dry eyes. He first saw Rhonda and Nadine huddled together for support. Stinky continually had a tissue to his face, his eyes downcast. Curly just sort of sat there in the pew, pretending he wasn't affected by this, but his countenance couldn't justify any sign of apathy. Sheena and Eugene had red eyes, and Sheena put her hand on Eugene's shoulder. Lila, Harold, Sid, they couldn't control themselves, and could barely look up. Of course, there was Phoebe...she sat up front, with Arnold. They were taking it the worst...

His stomach trembled at the sight of Arnold and Phoebe. Phoebe was her best friend, and Arnold...well...

A fallen tear hit the paper in his hands, taking his attention away from his mourning classmates back down to his mission. He shuddered at the thought of trying to speak. It was time.

"A lot of people...knew...Helga. Very few knew who she really was. And even fewer seemed to care. Well, I knew Helga. I knew who Helga was, and more importantly...I know who Helga is. Helga is a true, loyal friend. She was a little girl who grew up, confused about what love was, but somehow managed to teach herself. She's...my hero," he paused, having to stop himself from crying once more.

Olga, Miriam, and Bob Pataki were holding each other's hands, unable to accept the fact that their baby girl, their baby sister, would be gone forever. Lost time could no longer be compensated for. All the unspoken "I love you's" will further more be buried in the silence and taken to her grave. All their mistakes could not be forgiven, nor apologized for, and it killed them.

After a few seconds of waiting, he continued speaking.

"All of you know that Helga is gone...because of me. She saved my life. She died...for me. She had a choice to make- either she goes, or I do...and she was not selfish. The car, the drunk driver...it was supposed to be me that got hit, not her. But she...she pushed me out of the way...Why? I'll never know. But...would I have done it for her? Without delay.

I've always admired her. Her strength to face each day. Her determination, her passion. She was a caring person, who got lost along the way...until someone found her. And he knows who he is..." He stopped now, and for the first time all week, made direct contact with Arnold. Arnold's blue eyes were glazed with blurry tears. But they maintained eye contact.

"And I, Brainy, will be forever grateful to him, for finding her..." he went on.

There were moments of utter quiet flowing throughout the church, hollowing inside the spaces between people, making them feel alone, isolated; especially for Brainy, as he stood behind the podium. He was beginning to feel stronger and weaker at the same time. He saw the look in people's eyes, the look of recognition, of understanding, and it's all he could have hoped for. His message was getting through. Somehow, he knew he wasn't alone up there.

"And, with the events earlier this week, it seemed we lost her again. But that's not true. Because I know, in my heart she'll reside. And she'll be with all of you. And I know a lot of the memories you have of Helga are...maybe not the best. Regardless of what you remember, you can't forget what you know...She was living a life in which she felt trapped, scared. She was judged before she could show her true colors, and so she hid them away. But now I want them to shine. Because she was an amazing person, very gifted. Sometimes, it seemed I was her shadow, just a lone cloud reaching for the sunlight. Though I never could quite get to her, I never wanted to stop trying. All I know now is that she was a beautiful soul, who now lights up the mourning sky with rays of golden sunshine, and warms our dampened eyes with peace.

To me, she was an angel before...but now she has her wings...and she's flying..."

As Brainy finished speaking, it was time to release the tears he held in, and he just let them fall. Everyone else, even the one's who had just managed to cry their very last tear, cried one more. Of course they were crying for Helga, but also for Brainy, and for themselves...for not seeing what he saw. Arnold was one of the few other's who had seen Helga. So they had a mutual respect for each other, each of them seeing something so rare, so beautiful, so unforgettable.

After the ceremony was finished, and the Pataki's were greeted by all who attended Helga's funeral, Brainy was feeling a bit more completed after feeling so empty. A lot of people complimented him on his eulogy, in fact, everyone did. He made more of an impact than he thought he would, as everyone felt terrible for not giving Helga the time of day, or the benefit of the doubt. And maybe it's times like these, under such circumstances, when we as humans discover something is too late that we most sincerely wish to change. Much like tragedies help to form character, or better it, make it stronger. And Brainy translated that strength in eloquent words that resonated with everyone. From now on, changes would be made. People would miss Helga, but now have learned from her. Even in her death, she proved all who doubted her wrong. She was not the bully everyone thought she was. No...she was something more. She was a hero.

Brainy walked outside the church, his hands in his pockets, unsure of where to go to. The wind blew gently, and he looked up at the once sullen sky to see a vibrant azure peeking through the clouds. And the sun was gleaming brighter than ever. One lone cloud appeared to be reaching for it, and it just seemed to meld into the inviting sunlight. Brainy smiled. It seemed now the one lone cloud stood out, with its own silver lining.

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I hope I did well with this story. I wrote this after finding out...(now, don't blink): my step dad's father's third wife's half-brother's son...passed away. He was 15, and it was after a dirt bike accident. He was told not to ride the bike, but he didn't listen. And then, on some hill, there was another kid walking. All I know is he had a choice to either hit the kid, or avoid hurting the other person and put his own life in jeopardy. Well...guess what he did? I never met him, but regardless of that, those circumstances were both tragic and brave. So, that's where the idea of Helga saving Brainy came from...I have nothing against Helga. Anyways, enough sob story from me....lol....but, I suppose I still have more. I wrote this short poem after writing this short fic. I hope you like it as well. But if poetry is not your thing, I understand.

Please, let me know what you think.

Reaching for the Sunlight

A lone cloud in the sky

Reaches for the sunlight

It strays out from the darkness

Stretching it's arms outright

And the sun does not pull away

Only seems to be too far

But this cloud wishes not to give up

On it's mission to reach the star

Because it knows there's something better

Something more than what it knows

Something it's determined to discover

After watching all the other clouds glow

And it sets out, at first dawn

To reach the faraway sunlight

Nothing will stop it from trying

To glow a little more bright

This lone cloud that's hidden

Is travelling the azure skies

Searching for it's treasure

Regardless of what may arise

And that's what makes it special

That's what sets it apart

Compared to the other clouds

It aims for what's in its heart

So the next time you see a lone cloud

Know their dreams they're holding tight

Remember they're doing what we all must

And that's reaching for the sunlight

Silver Kitten


End file.
